Monday, October 5, 2009

Game 2: Pens win 4-3(OT)

There was a lot of talk about Sidney Crosby vs John Tavares.

Tavares now has 1 NHL game under his belt,
Crosby has 4 seasons, 400pts, an Art Ross, a Hart, a Lester B. Pearson, and most importantly, a Stanley Cup under his.


Apples and Oranges if you ask us.

Quick recap of the game:
Not a recap really. Pure crap. A Recrap even.

First Period


11:10 Crosby takes a long pass off of the boards in stride, uses his body to shield the puck from Brendan Witt, buries it. 38 more Sid.
1-0 Pens


10:28 Rupp fights Jackman.


8:32 Fedotenko thinks his skate’s untied, when he looks down to check, Brendan Witt crushes him.
Legal check, Fedotenko goes to the locker room.
Dupuis decides to ask Witt if his shoulder’s ok,
McKee opts for a lengthier conversation.

It appears that McKee is given:
a fighting major, an instigator and a game misconduct for being the third man in.
Also, Malkin gets a roughing penalty.

7:20 Mark Streit happens. PP goal, 1-1.

Second Period


12:51 Isles are on the powerball powerplay. Is it still called that? Probably. Everything’s whored out to ads. Tavares finds the puck and scores on the backhand. It’s his first goal in the NHL. Big whoop.
Isles 2-1


??:?? at some point Fleury posed for this picture.

10:26 Tavares gets a breakaway and, in case you forgot, he’s the next big thing. Fleury doesn’t think so. Still 2-1 Isles.

9:15 Apparently Jay McKee didn’t get a game misconduct.

Looks like a cartoon. Maybe it’s the orange?

Third Period


12:41 Mark Eaton from the blue line. He better quit scoring goals because we’re getting used to this. Crosby wins a faceoff, Letang moves the puck back to Eaton, his wrister goes through traffic and somehow Roloson, who’d been lights out up until then, lets it through. Gonchar’s contract negotiations take a serious hit.
Tied up again.

12:24 Yuck. Josh Bailey to Trent Hunter. Nice shot, but you’ve got a rat stapled to your chin. 3-2 Isles



3:49 Fedotenko makes like Mike Massey and slides the puck across the fallen body of Rat-chin and off the skate of Bruno Gervais. 3-3.

2:39 Guerin takes a stupid penalty. He does that sometimes. Pens kill it.


No Crosby until the third shift. Weird.


Isles: Steve Tambellini hits the crossbar. No good. 0-0

Pens: Letang does the Crosby foot-pump deke, eh, but it trickles through Roloson’s pads. Good. 1-0


Isles: Tavares gets the call, skates down the ice and shoots wide. Where are your slick moves John? No good. 1-0 Pens
Pens: Crosby makes like Mario and skates towards the net almost casually, then shows off his quick release and buries it five-hole.
2-0 Pens


  • Tavares looked good.
  • The Pens’ powerplay appears to have hit midseason form. 0-3
  • Malkin needs a new RW.
  • Jay Caufield still looks like the Frankenstein monster.
  • What, exactly, does FSN pay Paul Alexander to do?
  • We’re officially on EN’s blogroll. Thanks Seth.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

Game 1: Penguins win 3-2 over Rangers

The Penguins opened the season with a win against the Rangers.

The new faces on the Pens looked solid.
Rupp looked ok, albeit not that noticeable.
McKee blocked some shots.

Goligoski has it together.

Haiku Recap, along with game pics/photoshops after the jump.


Thursday, October 1, 2009

Pens get Skoula and Bourque

Skoula is always going to be remembered for that.
Seriously, who could forget that?

But stupid shit happens, and for a guy with over 700 NHL games to his name, that kind of stuff only happens once.
So if you thought for a second that this was what he’s going to bring to the Penguins…get your head right.

This is a good signing.
Skoula’s not going to be anything special.
At all.
But he’s better than Deryk Engellend or Nate Guenin over any stretch.

From Fantasy Sports Services:
  • Is a solid two-way defenseman with excellent offensive potential.
  • Owns a very projectable frame.
  • Still gets himself caught out of position too often, or makes the wrong play at the wrong time.
  • Needs to use better judgment in the defensive zone and boost his production level.

When looking for a picture of Martin Skoula, We came across this:

The Pens also picked up Chris Bourque on Waivers from the Caps.
This guy tore the Baby Pens to pieces, so they have to like this.
But he’s going to get some time with the big club. Possibly a lot.

He’s 23 years old, 5’8 173lbs.
Average sized human, diminutive professional hockey player.

Last year in the AHL he played 69 games and recorded 21g-52a-73pts
In the playoffs he recorded 21pts in 22games
He has 1 NHL goal in 12 career NHL games.

From Fantasy Sports Services:
  • Is fast and tenacious on the forecheck.
  • Displays sound all-around ability and a little scoring upside.
  • Plays with an infectious attitude.
  • People will always question his size (5-8, 181 pounds), so he must continuously add strength to prove them wrong at the highest level.
Career Potential
Top six winger.

Not a big loss for the Caps, but probably not a big gain for the Pens.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The rings.





Thursday, September 24, 2009

Leafsx2, Montreal, Kessel, and more.

Didn’t get to see the game against the Blue Jackets. 5-4 Pens. 
Oh well.

Then on Friday, The Pens played Toronto: 4-3 Loss
Last night: Montreal: 4-3 Loss

And then, The Leafs again.
Of course watching these games (for us) requires a feed. Great.
Thank You FSN.

And of course some of the games aren’t televised at all.
Oh the preseason and the joy it brings.

After the jump…a look at some of the preseason games so far, the Phil Kessel trade/signing, Penguins Cuts/Roster/Lines


Thursday, September 17, 2009

Sykora and other stuff.

We don’t break news, but good for Petr.

$1.6m for 1-year.

The Penguins had $1.8m in cap space. It just wasn’t in the cards.

Also…the Pens cut 10 players.

Aaron Boogaard
Nicholas Petersen
Casey Pierro-Zabotel
Kevin Veilleux

Lane Caffaro
Alex Grant
Brian Strait

Jordan Parise
No real surprises.

  • Boogaard is a much smaller version of his brother,
    even at 6’3 220. He played in Wilkes-Barre last year.
  • Who is Nicholas Petersen?
  • Veilleux is still pretty raw. He’s big, plays all 3 forward positions, and he’s got a scoring touch…let him develop.
  • CPZ is an over-age player who excelled in a weak league with good teammates(Evander Kane). He’s overrated, but he’ll crack the NHL someday.
  • Despite hearing good things about Alex Grant…not this year.
    He apparently has an NHL-caliber shot, but not much else.
  • Strait looks promising too. Someday.
  • Who is Lane Caffaro?
  • Did you know Jordan Parise has a brother? Even if he’s good, it’s too soon for more brother talk.
Don't click read more...there isn't any.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Jordan Staal

With all the excitement around National Day in Gibraltar, most people probably forgot that today Jordan Staal turns 21.

Today, we’re going to look at some of Jordan Staal’s accomplishments in the NHL.

Did you know we’re on Twitter? (Did you care?)
By the way, no jump today.
When you get to the end, you're there.

After Staal was drafted in 2006, he looked to be a long shot to make the team that year.

During the first few weeks of the season, there was much debate as to whether he would be spending the year in Wilkes-Barre/Scranton or in Pittsburgh.

He ended up playing 81 NHL games and finished with 29g-13a-42pts in his rookie season.

Youngest player to score 2 shorthanded goals in a game-10/21/06

Youngest player to score on a penalty shot-10/21/06

Youngest player to score a hat trick-2/10/07

Most shorthanded goals by a rookie-7


Despite a disappointing offensive output in his second season as a Penguin(12g-14a-28pts), Staal showed progress as he moved from Malkin’s left wing to the third-line/shut down center.

Last summer we heard mumblings of Staal migrating back to the wing; taking on a top 6 role. He ended up centering the third line again, seemingly finding his niche.
Staal finished his third season with 22g-27a-49pts and some bling…

What a guy.

Going into his 4th NHL season, Staal has already cemented his reputation as an accomplished 2-way center, and it’s not a reach to suggest he’s rapidly becoming a premier 2-way player.
What do we have to look forward to in seasons to come?
Jordan Staal is only scratching the surface of his potential.

Happy Birthday Mr. Staal.



Tuesday, September 8, 2009

End of Summer

Remember those commercials?
”The Cup changes everything”

Yeah. This was the best summer in the burgh since ‘92.
I don’t even remember 1992.

Quick thoughts on the Pens:

  • Jay McKee

  • For Gill, that would defy physics. Scuds just wasn’t the type.
    If McKee stays healthy, will the Penguins have 2 Orpiks?

  • We’re going to miss Petr Sykora, but we’re not going to miss certain things about him. In his place will likely be Max Talbot, although not to start the season. The Pens are losing a scoring touch(until June) and a slow perimeter player. Whoever fills Sykora’s spot on Malkin’s right will bring more defensive reliability and undoubtedly a better work rate.

  • Mike Rupp. Nice. According to HockeyFights, Rupp had 16 fights last season and a record of 9-5-2. Only 5 less fights than Godard who went 11-5-5. Win%: Rupp .563 Godard: .523

  • Guerin’s coming back. I think I’ve said this before, but if not, here it is again: I didn’t like the signing at the deadline.

    This is why I will never be a GM.

  • Wade Brookbank and Wyatt Smith. How much of either of these 2 will we see in Pittsburgh? Wyatt Smith might log some time on the 4th line but he’s not really capable of a top 9 role, but as pathetic as that sounds, he plays solid D for a forward. Brookbank fights and, as far as I know, that’s about it.

  • The comparison has probably been made a thousand times but doesn't Tyler Kennedy look like a slightly bigger Brian Gionta?
  • Nothing to watch after 1:32 or so. Literally just nothing there. Plus the video’s old.

    Kennedy Gionta
    1st NHL Season .35ppg 07-08 .33ppg 01-02
    2nd NHL Season .52ppg 08-09 .43ppg 02-03
    Those aren’t adjusted.
  • Aside from his sophomore slump, is it too early to figure Jordan Staal for 20+ goals per season? He turns 21 on Thursday (9/10) and he’s played in 294 NHL games.
Don't click Read more.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


You knew the Pens could do it.

Pensomniac Milestone: 1000+ page views.
Of course most of them are people searching “masturbation” on Google Image Search and mistakenly ending up here.
If only that was a joke.
Oh Sitetracker, you devil.

Should they be embarrassed or should I?

Anyway, if you have kids, and they’re searching masturbation related terms on Google Images, teach them how to find porn. Google Images is great, but it’s no way to go through life.
You’ll just keep ending up here, disappointment city.

I’m sure most of the unofficial Penguins’ fan blogs get the traffic I’ve got in this blog’s existence every day.

Enough of that bs, Hockey after the jump.



Anybody else get the Sims 3 yet? I doubt anybody cares…
But there’s a character named Gobias Koffi.

So there’s not that much hockey.

Jim Shearer, I don’t know how you got my email.
Did I sign up for something?
Were you googling something along the lines of…masturbation?
I’ll probably never know.
Even though you (more than likely) won’t see this…Thank You.
If you haven’t seen these yet, do yourself a favor. Quality.

Confession time. Are you ready? Personal stuff right here.

Alright people, here it comes:
When I was a little kid, I kind of had this problem,


and it’s not even that big of a deal.
Something like 8% of kids do it but whatever.


For some reason, I don’t know why,
I would just kind of sit around all day
…and draw pictures of dicks. 


 1971. Déjà Vu.

There’s no momentum with your back against the wall.
The Stanley Cup is 1 win away from Sidney Crosby’s hands.

Can you feel it?!





Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A tribute to my favorite journalist

Mr. Collier, do you think I could be like you when I grow up?
We’ve never met, but you’ve already taught me so much.

In honor of your unwavering dedication to sports journalism, I’ve compiled what I feel to be your greatest hits of the 2008-09 Penguins’ hockey season.

October 4, 2008

You want Ross trophy, score often and fast

The first game of the season,
you taught me how to win the Art Ross.
I knew that the first tie breaker was goals but I didn’t know the second and third steps of the tie breaking process, should they be needed.
The second rung in the ladder is games played, “the fewer, the better”, so points per game, that makes sense…given that the players in question have identical goals and assists. The third, which I was completely unaware of, is the player that scores first.

Good timing, informative, and you said “NH of L”, which I guess stands for the National Hockey of League.  Lesson 1: Poetic License

October 5-February 11

It would seem as though Football > Hockey.
54 games:
including the best start in franchise history, and an epic slump,
nothing to write about.
But you did cover Pitt Football.

February 12, 2009

Crosby's shootout goal just a part of a significant day

There was still hope with only 26 games left. 32% of the season.
I had been wondering when the appropriate time to write a team off was, and that time hadn’t come.

February 18, 2009

Don't rule out collapse by others

6 days and 2 more losses prompted this:

What the Penguins need is disinterest and incompetence, and not from within, where there seems to be a considerable reservoir of both, but from outside the organ-I-zation.

so THAT’S what the Pens needed. They can succeed if other teams fail, “in other words, c’mon Rangers.” A strategy that would surely prepare them for playoff success.

Both the Rangers and Canadiens seem likely to be overtaken by Florida and Buffalo, but whether one or both can exit the top eight to the benefit of the Penguins is only the last best hockey hope around here.

Unless passion and energy make one astonishing comeback.

Well…likely didn’t happen and passion and energy DID make one astonishing comeback. The Pens would go 9-1 in the 10 games following that article. As the common phrase goes, hindsight is 20/20, but at least it’s not time to give up on the Pens.

February 26, 2009

Penguins get 2 points, but play leaves little doubt season is over

So with 20 games left, 24.4% of the season,
that dreaded time has come.

When this game started, the Penguins were within three hours of next year, because anything other than a win against the wretched Islanders -- the same wretched Islanders against whom they'd lost a shootout nine days before to celebrate the arrival of new coach Dan Bylsma -- and this team would be, to borrow a phrase from the infrastructure stimulus, shovel ready.

And not in a good way

Hmm…infrastructure stimulus…witty…topical…brilliant. More please…

If the Penguins can't crush the Islanders like a bug on home ice, what chance do they have of returning from an impending five-game road grind featuring four foes with winning records with the postseason still on the table?


By “None” do you mean zero? and by zero, I mean 0% chance…
am I grasping this concept?
That “impending five-game road grind”: 5-0
But it didn’t stop there…

The Penguins can fool themselves to whatever extent they please that they earned two points that were absolutely indispensable last night, but the way they've played the Islanders over the past 125 minutes of ice time plus a shootout has left little doubt that they've kissed this season good-bye.

Wow. Well, I guess it’s over then.

March 9, 2009

No meltdown by Fleury; just blossoming at the right time

Suddenly the Pens are a “viable entity”

In the seconds after Crosby slid a deft forehand past Jose Theodore in the shootout, Ovechkin circled behind the red line as he formulated his strategy against Fleury. Alexander Semin and Viktor Kozlov had already failed, so it was up to The Great No. 8.

"I thought he might try high to the glove side," Fleury said. "I don't know if maybe he missed it or what?"

More likely Ovechkin over-penetrated by some fraction of an ice chip. His shot clumped harmlessly onto Fleury's pad, and Penguins poured over the boards to celebrate not only a wrap on the story line but the end of the first 5-0 road trip in the history of flightless waterfowl.

Ovechkin's "over-penetration"
Looks more like he just guessed wrong.
Tricky little move, shuffle to the backhand…
Fleury’s pads were there.

Interesting fact: Penguins are not waterfowl.
Waterfowl refers to Anatidae
Penguins are Spheniscidae
Learning CAN be fun.

March 25, 2009

Penguins and the Playoff Chase: The Book on Bylsma

Eight games remain until a postseason that to some seemed impossible only a month ago (guilty), but Bylsma's team must still sense the desperation.

Guilty? You?
The lesson here is that the trade deadline means nothing.
The Penguins didn’t do anything at the deadline last year, and certainly no team will make any moves of consequence this year either, and that is precisely why it’s worthwhile to make judgments and predictions well before that meaningless day.

May 6, 2009

Penguins' 0-2 start proves much more frustrating to fans than the players

Would it be impertinent at this point to mention that the Capitals, a better team than the Penguins all winter long, look better right now, too, wonder of wonders, and that even at that, the Penguins nearly swiped both games on Washington ice?

So what's all the twitching about?

At least you’re consistent.
Where the hell did this sudden optimism come from?
I’m not going to say that any panic was warranted, but how can someone be so calm when 2 more losses ends the season,
when that same person was freaking out with 20 games left?
Oh the fair weather, and how glorious it is.

May 24, 2009

Hurricanes downgraded

Apparently, Carolina’s hockey team is named after a meteorological occurrence.
Tropical Storm, low-pressure system
That’s so…tricky…perhaps even sly.
At the very least, original.
And it’s the perfect segue to the pinnacle of originality…

May 25, 2009

 Staals see series from both sides

The Staals are brothers.
They’re from Thunder Bay, Ontario
Their parents’ names are Henry and Linda
Mentions of Sons, Brothers, Moms, Dads
”Jordan is his brother’s keeper”
There will be 4 Staals soon.
and there’s even an “Eric Stall” in the mix
The only thing this is missing is a mention of the Sod Farm.

I have to rip off Empty Netters here…
The Staals are brothers
The Staals are brothers
The Staals are brothers
The Staals are brothers
The Staals are brothers

This doesn’t include 2 Globe Sports articles, and whatever Empty Netters didn’t find.

Fun Activity: Google “Staal Brothers” and see what comes up.

The most important lesson of all:
Meeting a deadline at the cost of original thought 
It’s not only acceptable, it’s encouraged.


So after all of that, I have to give Mr. Collier some credit:
Not everything he writes is humbug.
I say this mostly because I haven’t read everything he’s written.
And partly because a lot of his stuff is actually decent.

Please, do your part:
keep collecting paychecks
I’ll be sure to do mine:
Getting drunk and laughing at the funny parts.

Well…That’s my Larry David moment.


Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's been too long.

Not really worth putting much on the front. If you click read more, there's just some .gifs, some Mike Richards photoshops, and some half-assed thoughts on the games so far.

The past few days have been spent in the Stone Age.

Want the instructions for time travel?

Simple, yet effective.

So aside from that ordeal…
the Pens are almost through the first round.
3-1 Pens.

I’m not going to do recaps. If you saw the games, you know.
If you didn’t, shame on you.
Also…there are several links on the sidebar, most of which will have recaps far better than I could produce.
I’m here to offer a pleasant distraction.

That said, my thoughts on the games so far:

Game 1


I hate to use phrases such as “owned” or “dominated”
but at the same time…I try to keep it real.
The Penguins owned the Flyers.
The jokes in orange were dominated.

Props to Ray Shero.
Matt Cooke, Ruslan Fedotenko, Craig Adams.
Playoff performers.
To quote Jarkko Ruutu, “This is my time of year”
Sorry Jarkko. You < Cooke.

What’s Ottawa like in April? Honest question.
I really don’t know.

Game 2

Does Bill Guerin still disappear in the playoffs?
I was wrong about him.

He was a big question mark when we got him,
He may be 38 years old,
He may not be the player he used to be,
But I’m glad he’s a penguin.

Point production, veteran leadership, an instant camaraderie with his teammates…seems like a good guy.

Game 3

I don’t care much for Mike Richards.

Flyers looked much improved.
Probably feeding off of their home crowd.

Daniel Carcillo went 60 min without taking a penalty.
Is that a first for him?

The officiating has really sucked in every game of the series.
Are they biased towards the Penguins?
Stats don’t support that.

The Flyers are opportunistic.
They were handed at least 2 goals.
Subtract those 2, the Pens don’t pull Fleury…no empty net.
Oh Well.

Game 4

"That's probably our strategy for [Sergei] Gonchar and for [Sidney] Crosby and [Evgeni] Malkin," Richards said. "Every chance I get, I try to hit Malkin, I'm trying to hit Crosby, and I'm taking runs at Gonchar, too. It's playoff hockey. That's what you try to do, you try to get them off their game."

How’s that working out?

Empty Netters

Whatever you’re doing Mike, keep it up.
One more game.


Crosby’s goal…legit? maybe.
Obviously I’ll take it, but I don’t know.
It realistically could have gone either way.

But the bitching done by Stevens and Biron afterward made it all worthwhile.

Game 5

Obviously it hasn’t happened yet…as of this post.

Tonight, 7:00PM, Mellon Arena

Fleury has to do it again. The Pens have to have the magic.
Whether or not the conspiracy for the Pens is true…
Tonight is our night.


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Pensomniac Film Festival

The Playoffs are a wild ride.
Tensions rising…
Player vs. Player
Team vs. Team
Fans vs. Fans

Now, I can’t say that I hate any of the above.
But I will make fun of them.

The Pensomniac Film Festival is a tribute to hockey movies that will never be made; celebrating the glory of the Penguins, a healthy distaste for their rivals, and a peculiar sense of humor.

Join in as we review the entries in the first installment of
the Pensomniac Film Festival. Lots it.

Fail or not…

”You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take –Wayne Gretzky”

–Michael Scott

After appearances on MindFreak, Scrubs, Larry the Cable Guy’s Christmas Spectacular, and a long run of AT&T commercials…
Carrot Top is back and more annoying than ever.

The main character, Scott Hartnell, an overweight winger playing for the Philadelphia Flyers, although he shows signs of being an alright guy on the inside, he’s clearly a douche on the outside. I was hardly sympathetic. With that hair, that face, those smelly farts and that orange sweater…he’s perpetually cruisin’ for a bruisin’.

My Big Fat Fat Winger scores 2 swift punches to the sack.


From the producers of the “Saw” movies; The classic story of the respected enforcer and his relationship with a man struggling to find a place.

This coming of age tale lasted only a few seconds, but afterwards, everyone, including Sergei Gonchar, breathed a sigh of relief. As it turns out, you can’t just throw a bunch of actors in front of a camera and expect it to be a movie. Beast and the Beast features a solid performance from lead actor Eric Godard, who seemed un-phased by the sorry performance of his counterpart, David Koci.

For his performance, Eric Godard receives 2 high-fives and 10min of playing time in the Playoffs. Koci, on the other hand, recieves a Sack Punch, 2 skunked Heinekens, and an account on
2009 Norris Trophy Winner: Sergei Gonchar
It was a Preseason game, Asshole.
And our powerplay still hasn’t found its rhythm.

Yeah I’m still bitter about that.

Max Talbot’s autobiopic MAD MAX scores while being shot with a shorthanded crew. This story of love, war, hockey, and stone-cold pimpin’ keeps audiences on their seats for the entire duration as you watch Max Talbot as Max Talbot kicking ass, taking names, and then kicking more ass. Be sure to check out the
Special Edition Playoff Beard Release
-Available for the next 2 months,
-Featuring at least 16 hours of bonus footage of the man himself-doing what he does; with a beard that only He who is Max could ever sport.

MAD MAX scores 2 Playoff-Game Winners, with Max Talbot receiving the coveted Darius Kasparaitis award for the actor who best outperforms expectations.

50firstrounds copy
A tragedy of epic proportions, this tale of desperation and failure was a finalist in the PFF, based solely on the enjoyment and glee felt after viewing it. Starring Mike Green and Alex Ovechkin, featuring supporting cast: Marty “French Toast” Biron, Sergei Fedorov, and Alexander Semin; with cameos by old fan favorites Peter Bondra and Adam Oates.

Written and Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, follows the stories of several Capitals seasons chronicling excitement, hope, disappointment, and despair. Watch as each season unfolds with promise, and unravels at the hands of the Penguins, 4 times, with a surprise twist at the end.
Spoiler alert: At the very end of the film, a short storyline is played based on the ‘97-98 playoffs where the Caps avoided the Penguins, only to be embarrassed in 4 games in their first and only legitimate shot at the cup.


The social phenomenon of Crosby Bashing has spread like wildfire across the nation. In response to all of the undue criticisms…
Sidney Crosby strikes back, and this time, he wants blood.

2 High-Fives, 30pts, and a license to punch sack.


iloveyouman copy
Average guy Petr Klaven just got engaged. His fiancé, Zooey, has lots of friends who are close and fun and even talk about him behind his back. Petr likes his job, but he’s been a little down on his luck, although his dreams are big.
After he found a new place to hang out, courtesy of his adopted half-brother(and agent) Allen Robbie Walsh, He found a new friend named Sidney. Despite their best efforts, their friendship never really panned out. Then, Petr decides to hang out around the second line, and meets his new friend Evgeni. Even though Zooey doesn’t really care for Evgeni and his calm, cool (practically aloof) demeanor, Petr has found his best man.

High Fives for the 2 leads, and may they continue making movies as a duo until Petr calls it quits. (or stops being a good friend)

An electrician finds himself in the heart of Philadelphia, where he encounters a stench like he’s never smelled before. Little does he know, the government is well aware of the stank. The shit smell finds its way all over Pennsylvania, before attempting to settle in Pittsburgh. There are widespread efforts to make excuses for it, such as a hoax that a sewage plant exploded, or that the referees are too biased, but In the end, all it takes is a quick reminder of who’s boss by the Penguins, and the stink goes back to Philly.

And the winner of the prestigious Palme d’Poilue


Throughout the 82-part prelude, you hear the sounds of the action, and the voices of the narrators. Barely an audible utterance from either of the two stars.

The beginning is fast paced and action packed but then the movie slows to a crawl. You weren’t able to turn away before, and you won’t be able to then either. The pace begins to pick back up, right before the climax.

The film features a bonus short at the end:



Monday, April 13, 2009


This is going to be short and sweet. No need to click read more...even though it's there.

Thank You Puck Huffers and Thank You to everyone that clicked over.

Just got Twitter set up.

Let me know what you think.

More Later...
That is all for now.


ALITP Pt. 5- Matchups, Predictions, some Loose Ends

Just Click Read More...It's worth it.

Click any of these pictures if you're having trouble viewing them. This is still a work in progress.

After 82 games: This is it.

Wed, April 15 7:00 FSN, Versus
Fri, April 17 7:00 FSN, Versus
Sun, April 19 3:00 NBC
Tue, April 21 7:00 FSN, Versus
Thur, April 23* 7:00 FSN, Versus
Sat, April 25* 3:00 NBC
Mon, April 27* 7:00 FSN, Versus

Here are my predictions for the first round in the
Western Conference:

  • San Jose over Anaheim, 6 games.
  • Calgary over Chicago, 6 games.
  • Vancouver over St. Louis, 7 games.
  • Detroit over Columbus, 5 games.

I can’t offer any real insights into the Western Conference; I just don’t follow it that closely. But now we come to…

The Eastern Conference

8 Montreal over 1 Boston
7 games.
Montreal was able to score 4 on Tim Thomas in an OT loss last week. You can’t feel good about that if you’re Boston. Montreal’s defense shuts down MarkyMark and crew.
Boston Bruins vs. TPC Boston—Tuesday, April 28th

7 New York over 2 Washington
6 games.
Could Pens fans have wanted a better matchup for the Caps?
The Rags’ penalty kill has been lights out since Tortorella took over at 91.5%. If they can shut down the Caps’ power play and score some 5v5 goals, last season’s nightmare becomes this season’s reality for the Washington Capitals.

6 Carolina over 3 New Jersey
6 games.
That’s right. I picked each of the top 3 teams in the east to lose in the first round. Will it happen? maybe not, but it’s more of a possibility this post-season than most. Carolina has been peaking at the right time, but will their defense hold up? Cam Ward will steal the series, but he’ll break down during the second round.

And finally, the moment you’ve read this far for…or scrolled to…

4 Pittsburgh over 5 Philadelphia
7 games.

You had to know that I’d pick Pittsburgh, but lets keep it real. Coach John Stevens was quoted saying,

"You have to go into this series with a checking mind-set. The games that we've had success in we played with an emotional edge but had that line of discipline."

I hope they come into the series with a defensive mind-set. That’s just laying down the framework to sit in your own zone and play defense for 60min, a strategy that worked for Michel Therrien so well, in fact, that GMRS decided it was worth paying him to not coach.

The Flyers will focus all of their attention on Malkin and Crosby, another strategy that’s worked.
Here are Crosby’s stats against the Flyers this season.

Screwy Pic. Click it.

Malkin has 7pts against the Flyers this season. I’m not doing a pic for him…due to the way the one above turned out.

I am please with how that turned out though.

The Flyers are good, just like they were last year,
The Pens are good, just like they were last year,
Both might even be a little better.
But when they asked last season, “Why not us?”
The answer was simply,”Because of the Penguins.”
unclesam copy

Go Pens.


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Evgeni Art Ross Malkin

Should be Evgeni Hart Malkin,

Will be Evgeni Conn Smyth Malkin.

The Pens played their final game of the season tonight in Montreal.

Miro is back, but didn’t dress
After today, we can officially look at the brackets.
Maybe even later today on here.
lots more. jump.

Malkin beat Ovechkin by 3pts.


That’s the fist-pump of NHL’s Leading Scorer.
Can’t see that enough.

Open it in a new window to resize.

So I wanted to take a look at some conventional stats in some unconventional ways…
And then try to make something of it.

What you’re looking at is a chart that uses Penguin player’s height and weight to determine a very raw “density” value.

Now I realize that this stat lacks some validity because it doesn’t address a lot of variables.But this is patternicity,

I’m looking for a pattern or some significance, where there is none.

But because I believe in it, it is so.

So have fun.

I wish I could tell you why that looked so bad. click it.

Lets get this out of the way…There’s not much of a difference between the highest score and the lowest; the range being .732152lb/in, or about 3/4 lb/in…for dumbasses.
This chart really just serves as an interesting order of the players’ names…some players are next to others that they would almost never be compared to by any other statistic.

Make of it what you will, but here are a few observations:

If someone told you that Miro Satan was the least physically dense forward on the team before you saw that chart…
Would you have been surprised?
Maybe this isn’t “proof”, but damn. Only Fleury scores lower.
Only 1 forward in the top 5…
Oh, Grandpa.

But the next one is Jordan Staal.
Is there a better place to go off on a tangent?
We all knew he was big,
but can someone stop Paul Steigerwald from talking about how he’s going to “fill out”?

6’4-220 Jordan Staal
6’4-218 Rick Nash
6’4-221 Dany Heatley
6’4-221 Ryan Getzlaf
6’3-220 Johan Franzen

And as much as it pains me to make a “Staal Brothers” reference:
Eric is 6’4 205
Marc is 6’4 209
Jared is 6’3 195

So unless Staal has Godzilla genes…or a pituitary adenoma
This is probably it, and that’s not disappointing.

Remember, when the Penguins drafted him,
Malkin wasn’t a sure thing,
And as much as Jordan Staal is labeled a “shut-down center”
It doesn’t do him justice.

Also…Would you have expected Crosby to be next to Godard?
This is a physical comparison of the players… I can see Dupuis and Godard, they’re really not built all that different.

The great equalizer is Crosby’s fat ass.
(Chandler and Ellen, towards the bottom)
Go Pens.